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Winner!

March 22, 2011

The winner of the CSN Stores $65 gift card is commenter #6 Paige!!

Check your email for your sweet winnings!

CSN Stores Gift Certificate GiveAway Extravaganza! [Closed]

March 8, 2011

Hello readers, its giveaway time courtesy of the wonderful CSN Stores team! I have worked with them before and am happy to say they are a reliable and wonderful company with everything from cookware to baby stuff to – okay just take a look alright? Its like a freakin’ mall on the web.

Anyway, 1 awesome Sangfroid reader will win a $65.00 gift certificate courtesy of CSN Stores to spend in anyway they want. I was talking with The Hating Expert about how some gifts are just so terrible sometimes, you wish they had just given you a giftcard, so we decided on these guidelines:

  • Leave a single comment below telling us about the worst/weirdest/unexpectedly mind-boggling gift you’ve ever gotten. If you can’t think of one, just tell me a story about something else I guess.
  • To get a second entry, tweet a link to this giveaway post on your Twitter (no Facebook stuff please) and leave a second, separate comment with a direct link to the individual tweet.

Monday the 21st of March ,  I will choose a winner using a random number generator and announce it along with a compilation of the best stories! Please remember to leave your email in the info box so I have a way to contact you!

In the meantime, while you are anxiously awaiting the results of the contest, why don’t you read some what I like to call THE BEST OF THE SANGFROID EVER.

What Will Happen If Gay People Get Married, Dr. Sangfroid?

How To Quit Your Job

What To Do When You’re Unemployed

20 Reasons Pizza Is Better Than a Relationship

21 Lessons In 21 Years

Texas: We Want To Know Where Your Dick is Going

 

P.S. To stay updated, you can follow me on Twitter, fan my FB page, subscribe to my blog, or just watch me through my window.

 

Notes: Contest open only to U.S. entrants. Giftcard does not cover shipping costs (which are cheap anyway). I am not being compensated for this giveaway.

Back In Black

March 6, 2011

Hi everyone,

Sorry for the neglect…life has been overwhelming as usual. #WhiteGirlProblems

I have been doing a multitude of things including:

-Becoming businessy.

-Walking my dog.

-Browsing for sufficient track lighting for my home because I am tired of candlelight.

-Not blogging.

-But thinking about blogging sometimes.

-Mostly not really blogging though.

-Petting my dog.

-Eating potato soup.

 

And that’s about it. Welcome back!

An Open Letter To Grade School

January 20, 2011

Dear Grade School,

I was thinking about you the other day, and I think we may have some unresolved issues.

Firstly, that Whoops-The-Whole-School-Has-Asbestos thing was not well explained by your teachers. In fact it was quite terrifying for a 4th grader to hear, “The walls and ceilings are covered in poison particles that you cannot see and if you breathe it in, you will get very sick, that’s why we are building a whole new school! Now spend the whole rest of the year in this poison one.”

The new school being built was great, what kid doesn’t love watching their old school get destroyed with big machines? The problem was that at one point, you took away our soccer field, which aside from a big metal slide that was totally unusable in Arizona heat, was our only entertainment. Rather than saying, “tough shit, kids“, you opened up a spare parking lot and let us play in there. Thanks for all the scraped knees and faces full of gravel.

To your credit, you did try to make the playground on the new campus kind of awesome by adding handles you could swing from (much like monkey bars) to the jungle gym. Unfortunately those were taken away less than a month later when a kid broke his arm. He broke his arm falling 4 feet into sand. How, how.

Speaking of recess, why was our campus so horribly open? I recall an unusually large amount of angry stray dogs running at us on recess on many occasions…

I do have you to credit, grade school, for keeping me in shape as a child. Next to having two (two!!!) recesses a day, you cut down art and music classes to once or twice a month, and P.E. every day that wasn’t art or music day. So thankfully, instead of letting children explore art and music, you hired an extremely obsese and angry coach who made us play dodgeball everyday. Sometimes we even got to play dodgeball in the gravelly parking lot.

My reluctance to play dodgeball though occasionally resulted in my absolute refusal, and thus detention. Because you were just such a high-class school, you couldn’t have regular ol’ “study inside during recess” detention. No, no, you had “Sit in the Arizona 115 degree heat on the sidewalk, with your backs facing the basketball court, where you will surely be hit in the head multiple times throughout recess, resulting in your face smashing into the brick wall in front of you.”

EVERY. TIME.

Also, I never had to use cursive, ever, after 6th grade. Liars.

Sincerely,

Dr. Sangfroid

On Giffords, Palin, and Blame

January 10, 2011

By now I suspect most anyone reading this blog has learned of the tragic shootings in my home state. Among the injured and killed was of course, Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords, who already had crosshairs on her in an image from Sarah Palin’s website.

Hello, controversy.

Though we do not know the shooter’s political affiliations, beliefs, or motivations, we all can look at Sarah Palin’s targeting image and speculate a connection, rather it be an inspirational image, a triggering one, or a guide.

Does this make Palin responsible for the shooting? To blame for the shooting?

No, of course not. She cannot be held responsible for another person’s actions.

But that doesn’t mean she is in the right.

I have written before about Palin’s tendency to use violence and harassment in her speeches as a means to “rally up and inspire” her followers. Palin of course is not the first, last, or only politician to use metaphors of violence, but it doesn’t make it right in her instance or any instance.

The fact of the matter is, this sort of metaphorical call to violence is a factor, whether it was even linked to the shooting or not.

People are looking at this image and blaming the right, the conservatives, the Republican party for the shooting.

The family of Giffords will always remember that a person explicitly drew crosshairs over their loved one because of her political beliefs, not caring that she truly could have been (and was) shot for those beliefs.

Even on Palin’s Facebook fanpage, people are posting, “liberal scum deserved it” and “I wish the rest of Sarah’s targets got shot too”.

No, Palin is not responsible for the shootings. She does not have blood on her hands. She is not at fault.

But she is not in the clear, she is not in the right for posting such an image.

What I find most disgusting from her is that, before issuing a statement, before posting her condolences, she had the image removed from her site and less than 24 hours later is already talking to the media, pushing the blame away from her and REFUSING to aknowledge that she put crosshairs over a woman who was shot in the head.

Have some dignity, Palin. Stop backpedaling and making up scenarios and just admit your image was tasteless and you are sorry for putting the image up. You don’t have to take the blame, or connect the shooter’s action to your image, but you need to have some goddamn respect and acknowledge that your constant push for violence is wrong.

20 Reasons Pizza is Better Than a Relationship

January 6, 2011
tags: , ,

  1. Pizza will go out or stay in with you anytime, anywhere.
  2. If you take a break from pizza, you know it will be just as delicious (and untouched) as you left it.
  3. Pizza tastes great the morning after.
  4. Pizza always has a co-oven-buddy you can hook your friends up with.
  5. Pizza doesn’t care if you taste a few other pizzas when you get bored with it.
  6. Unlike sex, pizza is good hot and cold.
  7. Pizza doesn’t mind any extra weight you put on, and encourages you to keep eating.
  8. Pizza will change to fit your tastes.
  9. Pizza doesn’t mind if you invite the girls over last minute for drinks and Sex and the City marathons.
  10. The more, the merrier.
  11. Obesity is a tasty disease, unlike gonorrhea.
  12. If you get tired of pizza, you can throw it away without feeling bad.
  13. Pizza is always willing to experiment.
  14. The only time pizza leaves you waiting is when the delivery person gets stuck in traffic.
  15. Pizza burns you on accident only.
  16. Pizza doesn’t need a morning-after pill if things get messy.
  17. You can always bring pizza to your parent’s house.
  18. There’s always another pizza waiting to be with you when you’re done with one.
  19. Paying for pizza is totally socially acceptable.
  20. Pizza will sit next to you and please you all night while you play the Sims 3 while wearing sweatpants.

Brought to you by Dr. Sangfroid and The Hating Expert.

Honest New Year’s Resolutions

December 29, 2010

New Year’s Eve is near, and with it comes thousands of people picking themselves up from the gloominess the holidays often leave us. “A New Year!” They exclaim, “A chance to better myself!”

Let’s be real. We more enjoy the idea of bettering ourselves than the actual process, and we certainly enjoy making resolutions and looking at the prospect of becoming a better person and creating a better life.

By March, most of us can’t even remember what our resolutions were.

This year, let’s just write our resolutions honestly.

“Lose 15 pounds”
“Get a gym membership and go for a month. See no progress, give up and go back to being comfortable with my body until the holidays.”

“Call my parents twice a week.”
Call my parents twice a week for two weeks until I remember why I never called them that much in the first place.”

“Save money from every paycheck and put it toward a new car.”
“Save money from every paycheck, put it toward booze when friends come into town.”

“Eat healthy.”
“Spend time researching what ‘eating healthy’ is. Don’t entirely understand if cheez-its are all that non-healthy. Cut out McDonald’s, substitute it with cheez-its.”

“Spend more time with my friends.”
“Call friends to hang out, discuss how you all share the goal to hang out more. After a month, realize that life is busy, but appreciate the effort.”

“Blog more.”
“Blog a bunch in January until winter break is over. Pick it up again in the summer.”

“Stop procrastinating.”
“Find more creative ways to procrastinate so it doesn’t feel like I am.”

“Do one good thing a day.”
“Have extremely loose regulations on what a “good thing” is considered. Staying in bed all day and eating chips counts as a good thing, right?”

“Quit smoking.”
“Quit smoking so damn much.”

“Go to church every Sunday.”
“Go to church for a few Sundays. Realize not much has changed since every Sunday you were forced to go as a kid. Buy a bible as a sufficient substitute for church every week. Feel satisfied with this alternative.”

“Get organized.”
“Buy one of those snazzy planners from Borders. Attempt to organize life. Realize you can only control so much, and that you understand your own chaos. Forget about snazzy planner.”

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