How To Write a Successful Craigslist Ad
Are you lonely? Have trouble meeting women? Craigslist may be your answer. The catch-all website features a “dating” area where singles (and adulterers!) can place ads looking for a date/soul mate/victim. All you have to do is post an ad in your preferred area (we’ll pretend it’s Man Seeking Woman) and wait for the ladies to start rolling in.
The only problem is, there’s 50 million other guys you’re competing with for attention. It’s important to make your ad stand out and look appealing. Here’s how to do it:
Step 1: Have a Catchy Title
The title can be a deciding factor when women are trolling through these ads. It’s important that your headline stands out, and portrays who you are and what you’re looking for. Here are some good examples:
-MAN WANTS WOMAN(S)
That’s really as good as it gets. Caps lock=SHOUTING ON THE INTERNET, which always works. The title is also straight forward and honest, so women can’t bitch you’re nothing like your internet-persona.
Step 2: Pick A Good Picture To Show
Let’s face it, women are shallow, petty creatures who only judge you on what’s in your wallet and how you look, so it’s important you appeal to these needs. Try a picture where you are showing off your 12 pack (abs or beer, doesn’t matter) and holding lots of money. Monopoly money works too, but only if it’s the green coloured kind (unless you’re foreign, then you can use any colour, making you even more EXOTIC). Try adding some “fun” pictures too, like an American flag, or a picture of your truck. This shows you mean business.
Step 3: Describe Yourself
This part is easy, describe your best points! Here are some good ones to include:
-Level 80 Dark Elf
-Not a convicted felon
Be sure to avoid describing yourself in a bad way! Though it may seem more “honest” to discuss your flaws, it’s only going to scare them away early on. Here are some points to avoid:
-Has a small penis
-Addicted to meth
-Addicted to The Price Is Right
Step 4: Describe What Kind of Woman You’re Looking For
Here is the fun part! You can talk about what you want and don’t want in a mate, effectively weeding out serial killers/trannys/fat chicks. Be sure to specify that you are looking for only the “highest class” of women on Craigslist, this will make women want you more, since they want to be considered high class on the internet.
Step 5: Describe What Sort Of Relationship You’re Looking For
Looking for a long term relationship? Summer fling? Affair? Submissive, leather wearing amputee? Be specific! If you’re looking for:
-A long term relationship, dive right into talking about how they could be “the one” and that you want your wedding to be held at the Video Game Arcade. This shows you are committed and not creepy.
-A fling, keep the message short; something like “no strings attached sex” or simply just “WANT VAGINA”.
-An affair, say you’re looking for someone who enjoys staying in at her place, hates asking questions, and likes keeping relationships secret from friends/the media.