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In the future

July 14, 2009

In the future…

***Hipster “ironic” tee’s will evolve from 90’s cartoon sayings and terrible drawings of cats to long rambles that consist of “I’m a huge douche bag but I say that with irony because too many kids at school picked on me when I wore my sister’s pants so my mom told me to laugh with them and so I started wearing the pants ironically and that made me cool like Kanye West I think.” But don’t worry hipsters, it’ll be an IRONIC ramble.

***In an effort to out-do the Twilight phenomena, J.K. Rowling will re-write the entire Harry Potter series with Harry as a magical vampire, Ron as a werewolf, and Hermione as a female God figure (so that it seems more ‘mature and deep’ than Twilight). Christian fundamentalists will also die out, as their heads explode when they hear about this.

***The Most Popular Name lists for 2020 will read as:
Girls: Ashley, Ashleigh, Ashly, Kourttney, and Tyfani
Boys: Aden, Hayden, and Jaykob. Every single one of them.

***The top box office hits will include: The Hangover 37, Tyler Perry Says Something Funny About Being Black, and Awkward Kid and His Dysfunctional But Well-Meaning Family (starring Michael Cera).

***Parents and their children will be no more than 23 years apart in age. Condom manufactures will go out of business, citing their reason as, “teenagers are as stupid as they are horny.”

***Sarah Palin will be elected president, then will promptly start World War III by mistaking a Russian Ambassador for a moose and shooting him (“It’s all that gosh darn crazy fur they wear! Tee-hee”).

***In an attempt to stop the rise of obesity in America, all fat people will be sent to Ethiopia to either lose weight and survive, or die and get eaten by hungry Ethiopians. This will also effectively solve world hunger. It will also be a reality TV show on VH1.

***In an effort to make Mac computers even more user friendly, the new Apple OS will consist of 3 buttons: Internet, iTunes, and Images of Cats Doing Funny Things.

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5 Comments leave one →
  1. aconfusedpoet permalink
    July 14, 2009 7:03 pm

    That sounded EXACTLY like Sarah Palin.

  2. July 14, 2009 8:19 pm

    Teenagers are as stupid as they are horny. Which makes me wonder–is Sarah Palin, our future president and instigator of WWIII, a teenager?

  3. July 14, 2009 10:32 pm

    I have comments along the line of this.
    Just so people don’t get the wrong idea… Cannibalism causes cerebral palsy. And children with unconventional spellings of conventional names like ‘Tyfani’ are more likely to be abducted.

    These are the facts I know. No i am not prepared to back them up. Just sayin’

  4. July 16, 2009 2:11 pm


  5. July 17, 2009 11:39 pm

    In the year 2525
    If man is still alive
    If woman can survive
    They may find

    In the year 3535
    Ain’t gonna need to tell the truth, tell no lie
    Everything you think, do and say
    Is in the pill you took today

    Zager and Evans

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