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Dear Penthouse

August 27, 2009

Dear Penthouse,

I never thought this would happen to me. The other night I was totally wasted at this sweet party (from downing jager-bombs) and every chick there wanted my balls, totally. So next thing I know, it’s the morning and I’m laying on some bed with floral sheets and a teddy bear on the night stand. Then, to my surprise, two totally hot babes walk in and ask me how I’m feeling. I asked them if we had a threesome last night, and they said no, that I had puked on their cat and then passed out in the guest bed. But I don’t believe it, they’re just trying to cover up their reputation. Score!

-Chad The Rad

—–

Dear Penthouse,

I never thought this would happen to me. I was in Dillards one day, in the shoe section, browsing for some new loafers when the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen walked in. I was dressed nicely, and she mistook me for an employee of the store. I played along, and offered to help her with her shoes. She agreed, and before I knew it, I was slipping a pair of stilettos onto her feet! It was a dream come true, until a manager came over and ask me to leave the store. I tried to play it cool by saying that I, in fact was the manager, but then the woman saw my erection, screamed, and ran out. I still count this as a victory.

-Howard

—–

Dear Penthouse,

I never thought this would happen to me. I traveled to a kingdom, and ended up marrying the beautiful Queen that ruled there. Turns out, she’s my mom! I’m considering gauging my eyes out, what do you think?

-Oedipus

Dear Penthouse,

I never thought this would happen to me. I sent my resume and head shot to a casting call recently, and got a part in a film. I showed up for work, and discovered that I was cast as the star of the film! I then spent the next 3 hours banging a gorgeous red-head on camera. She seemed REALLY into it the whole time, moaning and asking for more. Afterword, she got dressed and was going to leave when I asked her if I should at least buy her dinner, but she said no. How awesome is THAT?!

-Rick

—-

Dear Penthouse,

I never thought this would happen to me. I was online when I found a website that said they could hook me up with girls. I registered an account, and before I knew it, tons of women were sending me chat requests! Soon, I was talking to this bangin’ blonde girl who said she just wished for a man who could support her. I said I was that man, and would love to meet her. She said that in order to meet me, she’d have to fly from Russia, and needed to borrow a little bit of money to make the trip. Not wanting to pass up such a great opportunity, I gave her my credit card information. She was so happy, she said that when she got there we were going to have such a wild time (if you know what I mean).  She said she’d contact me soon about the flight information, and that was 5 days ago. She must have forgotten to tell me, being so busy packing! I can’t believe I got so lucky.

-Dave

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. August 28, 2009 6:08 pm

    Best Penthouse Forum letters ever. I used to be a Little Sister at a frat house. I never thought it could happen to me but all these big guys liked me for my mind. They had me read to them all the time. From what, you ask? Penthouse Forum, of course! How cool was that?

  2. September 2, 2009 6:31 pm

    Dear Penthouse,
    I just got the latest issue of your magazine seriously damp. Does that count?

    Joe

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