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Shakira- She Wolf

September 6, 2009

I was going to write a relevant entry today, but then I saw this.

Dear Shakira-

Hey girl, it’s been a while, hasn’t it? What was your last song about? Something about hips and terrible grammar? Anyway, just wanted to let you know I watched your new music video for She Wolf, and I’d like to discuss it with you. Here’s some bits to think about for the next 3 years until you come out with another song.

-Look, I know you’re foreign and all, and have crazy traditions, but do you really need to sing with rocks in your mouth? You sound like a Muppet, gargling rocks. Which is cool in Columbizilaguay or whatever, I guess.
-I know one piece leotards, asymmetrical designs, Beyonce, and impractical swimsuits are all in fashion right now, but when you combine all of them it sort of looks like puke.
-I can’t tell if you’re auditioning for the part of Spiderman, a stripper, or The Exorcist. Please be clearer of your intentions.
-80’s dance moves aren’t cool anymore, sorry. Please try to expand your knowledge of dance past an old Vanilla Ice music video.

Also, I would rethink the following lyrics:

“I’m starting to feel just a little abused like a coffee machine in an office.”

Because last I checked, coffee machines are not locked in cages and forced to perform erotic dances.

Sincerely,

Dr. Sangfroid

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One Comment leave one →
  1. September 7, 2009 12:25 am

    I don’t know what kind of an office you work in, but we’ve kept our coffee machine scantily clad and locked in a cage for years now. I works out better for us that way.

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