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How To Become A Player

September 13, 2009

Today, I stumbled across this gem of a website: Become A Player

The website, which boasts, “Game is all that matters” and that their goal is to teach the average male how to “attract,seduce, meet, and pick up women” is essentially an online guide on how to look like an idiot and brand yourself a skeezy douche hat.

playa

Let’s take a look at the advice this website is giving out:

Tip & Tricks To Becoming A Player

“While you are macking on a particular girl, go away after you’ve talked for a while and begin talking to someone else, just say to her “I need to dissapear[sic] for a bit, I’ll be back”. This will drive her crazy, and if you’ve made a decent impression on her, she won’t be able to think of anything except you.”

Poor grammar and spelling aside…this is still stupid. Any guy still using the term “macking on a girl” is either 40+ years old, or has lived his life in his grandparent’ basement reading anime fanfiction (or both). Plus the only men saying they need to disappear should be magicians, and convicted criminals. Oh, at least they remembered that all girls need and crave the attention of a 40 year old cologne-soaked man they meet at a bar. Really, she won’t be able to stop thinking bout the 5 minute “conversation” she had with you consisting solely of cheesy pick-up lines.

“Whenever you are with a girl and her hair is falling in her face, gently use your index finger to “pull” the hair back and place it behind her ear. When you do this rub your finger down behind her ear all the way down to her ear lobe.”

Also, doing this in the workplace may lead to sexual harassment charges. Don’t touch people’s ears, you goddamn creep.

“When you are approaching a group of girls and you’ve already picked out the one that you want, the only thing that should be running through your mind is “I need to get her ALONE!”. Yes, that it your first and foremost goal… to separate her from her friends.”

This is also what rapists and murderers do, how about that!

The website also features, some great articles, including:

“How To Make Your Ex Return Your Calls”
“How To Transform Your Computer Into A Seduction Machine”
“Use The Poke Button On Facebook to Get Chicks”
“Turbo Charge Your Booty Calls”

I wish I was making these up.

Finally, the website features a “Rulebook”, the ultimate list of douchebaggery. Featuring:

-“Constantly repeat her name” because women are like puppies, and you can only win their affections with fatty treats and sweet name cooing.

“Instead of: “How about giving me your number?”. Ask: “I’d like to talk to you again, is there a number I can reach you at?“. Because women are too stupid to realize that this is the exact same question. Really.

-“The player who gets rejected the most leaves with the most numbers“. No, I’m sorry, the ‘player’ who gets rejected the most leaves with nothing, because your odds do not increase with each rejection/restraining order.

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One Comment leave one →
  1. September 14, 2009 10:45 pm

    Wow, Sangfroid, I’m really macking on this article. Thanks, Sangfroid, for enlightening us, as you always do, Sangfroid. Oh, looky that, you’re hair’s fallen in your face, Sangfroid. Here, Sangfroid, let me pull it back for you while I run my finger past your ear, Sangfroid.

    OK, that’s enough. You’re right, this is total crap that will only get you slapped, sued and sent packing!

    CREEPY!

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