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20 Reasons Pizza is Better Than a Relationship

January 6, 2011
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  1. Pizza will go out or stay in with you anytime, anywhere.
  2. If you take a break from pizza, you know it will be just as delicious (and untouched) as you left it.
  3. Pizza tastes great the morning after.
  4. Pizza always has a co-oven-buddy you can hook your friends up with.
  5. Pizza doesn’t care if you taste a few other pizzas when you get bored with it.
  6. Unlike sex, pizza is good hot and cold.
  7. Pizza doesn’t mind any extra weight you put on, and encourages you to keep eating.
  8. Pizza will change to fit your tastes.
  9. Pizza doesn’t mind if you invite the girls over last minute for drinks and Sex and the City marathons.
  10. The more, the merrier.
  11. Obesity is a tasty disease, unlike gonorrhea.
  12. If you get tired of pizza, you can throw it away without feeling bad.
  13. Pizza is always willing to experiment.
  14. The only time pizza leaves you waiting is when the delivery person gets stuck in traffic.
  15. Pizza burns you on accident only.
  16. Pizza doesn’t need a morning-after pill if things get messy.
  17. You can always bring pizza to your parent’s house.
  18. There’s always another pizza waiting to be with you when you’re done with one.
  19. Paying for pizza is totally socially acceptable.
  20. Pizza will sit next to you and please you all night while you play the Sims 3 while wearing sweatpants.

Brought to you by Dr. Sangfroid and The Hating Expert.


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